More Bagels

To me, a caffe seems pretty self-explanatory. To some people, you need to ask a million questions. Today I had a clueless customer. I should have known it from the start when he tripped over a rug and then looked all confused at the menu.

He didn't even want to order a coffee. He ordered a bagel. I, however, am all out of bagels. I tell him I'm sorry I have no more bagels because it was quite busy today. He looked like he didn't understand what I told him. Maybe he was paralyzed by the "No" before I said "bagels". Or maybe he thought I said quiet instead of quite and so chose not to respond. I gave him a couple seconds to compose himself, and then he started again.

Mr. Bagel: I would like a bagel
me: I'm sorry sir. We don't have any more bagels
Mr. Bagel: What? No more bagels
me: That is correct. It was really busy today
Mr. Bagel: Okay, so then what do you have?
me: All I have left are donuts and cookies
Mr. Bagel: How about a bagel and cream cheese?
me: No more bagels
Mr. Bagel: You don't have bagels anywhere?
me: No. I'm all out of them
Mr. Bagel: Okay I will take that then. That looks like a bagel
me: That's a donut
Mr. Bagel: Well, I just want a bagel
me: On the weekend you have to come a bit earlier for a bagel
Mr. Bagel: You're sure you don't have any more bagels?
me: Oh wait. I just remembered. I was saving one up my ass. Would you like it? It's blueberry?
Mr. Bagel: Really?
me: No. But you can have the donut and pretend it's a bagel. One time I really wanted a donut and I saw something that looked like one but it was really a bagel.
Mr. Bagel: I really wish you had bagels
me: Trust me, right now at this very moment, I too wish I had bagels. I have never wanted to have bagels so badly before.
Mr. Bagel: Okay. I will just have a cinnamon roll then.
me: All I have are donuts and cookies left. You can see them right in front of you.

and so it continued on...Until he ended up with
1 sandwich
1 ice cream
1 coffee
0 donuts