Priscilla the puppet

The man that I love so much came in today again. By love so much, I really mean the man that grosses me out so much. He was wearing his usually white crisp shirt and khaki pants. However, he doesn't use his pants pockets but uses his waistband and his shirt instead. So he has his shirt unbuttoned and stuffed with lots of papers and maps, and other random things that I try not to see. Usually his pants are falling down because of all the things he puts in them. His pants today, however, were holding up a little better. I was thinking he must have gotten new suspenders.

So Charlie (that's his name for the day) came in and sat down. He didn't order anything but I was giving him time. Then I gave him about 10 minutes and he shouts to me

Charlie: Hi!
Me: Hi. How are you?
Charlie: Fine

(5 minute pause)
Charlie: (with a piece of cloth between his fingers) Look at my puppet.
Me: Wow, cool. That's a nice puppet. What's its name?
Charlie: Her name is Priscilla
Me: (of course her name would be Priscilla...that's fairly normal) Is Priscilla talking to you?
Charlie: ONLY TO ME. Priscilla is my puppet
Me: Well, Priscilla is a really nice puppet

(10 minutes later)
Charlie comes up to the counter because he wants to get an ice cream. When it's time to pay, he takes quite a long time to come up with his money. Then he looks at me

Charlie: My rattle gets in the way
Me: Why do you have a rattle?
Charlie: For my puppet

Of course he would have a rattle for his puppet. Of course I would get to meet his puppet. Next time I am going to make my own puppet out of a pastry bag and take his order as Pablo the puppet. I think he will like that.

Casinos

Two men walked in today. They were quite short and also I wasn't sure if they spoke English. One was talking on his phone (Harry), the other was trying to order (Larry). Harry kept trying to point to things that he wanted. Unfortunately, Larry couldn't really figure out what he was pointing too. Then Larry kept going over to Harry to ask him what he wanted but Harry didn't want to stop his phone conversation and just kept yelling tea. We have about 15 different types of tea so I was going to tell Larry to just pick one and his friend will just have to deal with it. That's what he gets for talking on the phone.
Larry ordered his drink. Then Harry finally got off the phone and changed the whole order. I felt bad for Larry since Harry was trying to control everything. And also H comes before L in the alphabet so he probably has more rights in terms of their friendship. But then I realized that Harry would be paying. He then emptied his pockets and started to count out change. I though, this guys got to be kidding me. The total is almost $9. After he pushes the change across the counter, Larry informs me that they like to go to casinos and this is what happens at the slot machines and how I too should go to the casinos because they are really fun. I wanted to tell them that a big spender at the casino wouldn't pay for their coffee and pastry with change, but I kept that inside, hoping that their extra pennies would become my tip.
They finally sat down and started to drink their coffee. Then they started to stare. Then they drank some more and talked, continued staring again. I distracted myself with other work when suddenly, like magic, they appeared at the end of the counter. Harry was in front of Larry and started:
Harry: What's your name?
Me: Coffee Princess
Harry: That's my girlfriend's name
Me: Awesome, I like her already.
Harry: Just kidding. Really. I mean, I was talking to her on the phone earlier
Me: (thinking I don't care about this at all) Okay. That's great. I'm happy you two can have such pleasant phone conversations, especially in public spaces.
Harry: Yeah, it's really great. So do you work here a lot:
Me: All the time. Well you two have a great day
Harry: Yes, of course. (shakes my hand) it was a pleasure meeting you coffee princess
Me: Yup
Larry: (nervously waves goodbye)

What a team those two. Harry plus Larry plus one cell phone.

How do you spell akward backwards?

You might have thought that backwards was awkward backwards, but it's not. That would be quite neat if it were, but the world doesn't always work that way. drawkwa is actually the correct way to do it. Not so pretty looking but much more fun to say. I think that should be my new question to every person who puts me into an awkward situation.

1) Gold Teeth Returns yet again. He stormed in then shouted "I came all this way to see my beautiful brown eyed girl." Then all the customers looked at me. Also because he is the age of my grandfather. I tried to deflect that comment by completely ignoring him. But then he kept talking. It was amazing. He went on for 10 minutes straight. I laughed behind the espresso machine the whole time. I heard about his day, then about his week, then he told me what he was going to do for the rest of the week, then for the weekend. He kept adding in "yeahs" which only made it take longer, AKA more enjoyable. I told him that I was going to leave for Spain on vacation sometime. Then to make things more awkward, he offered to buy my ticket if I hadn't already, then said he would come along too because he loves to vacation in Spain. A little old woman walked in at this point, had a look of shock on her face, I gave her a knowing nod, then tried to continue with my day. Gold Teeth, however, doesn't know when to shut up. Then he asks for my sign. I say Pisces. He says "Oh yeah, that's a good one, that's a real good one. That's the fish right?" Then he tells me he's the one holding the sword. I can't remember what that sign is. But I said "Oh yeah, that's a real bad one, horrible actually." Somehow he thought that was funny. But it only took another 5 minutes to get him out of the caffe. I think that I might be getting another future visit from him. Maybe I should paint my teeth silver and tell him that I only talk to people with similar teeth color.

2) Stick came in towards the end of the evening. I call him stick because he is named after one. I just have more fun calling him stick. I think he really enjoys it too. The top of his hair is also cut like someone placed a sponge on the top of his head. Sometimes I get the urge to just pet it, or balance a latte, but I have done a good job resisting so far. He is already awkward. Then I put my hand out (after giving him his drinks) to pick up the trash he left on the counter. Then he immediately put his drinks down, and shook my hand and said "I'm Stick, what's your name?" Apparently he has had other baristas shake his hand from behind the counter...
Awkward Stick. Totally Awkward

Ambassadors

Some cities have governors. Some have mayors. Some have both. And some (meaning the coolest) even have city ambassadors. I am referring to my city.

They walk or ride their bikes around the city all day wearing a helmet, blue parachute pants, and a bright neon yellow shirt. I know that if I were elected ambassador, I would definitely want this to be my uniform. These said ambassadors also think they have a really important job. I never want to underestimate anybody or their job, but all I ever see them doing is taking breaks and drinking different beverages, all while still wearing their helmets. Props to them for maintaining safety at all times. Their real job however, is to walk all around the city (or ride their bike) and see if anybody or any tourist needs help with directions. What a deal. And it comes with a title.

One of these ambassadors came in today. He looked a little nervous. Maybe it was his first time ordering a beverage as an ambassador. I congratulated him on his title. He seemed pleased. Then of course he ordered a little girly (a blended mocha), then he stared at my shirt, then made a weird comment about my uniform, then I asked him if he was jealous of my uniform, then he laughed nervously, and tried to ask me a different question but another customer walked in. Saved.

Unfortunately, this next customer was another ambassador...

Gold Teeth returns Part III

It's quite busy today. I even dare to say that I am getting a little sweaty trying to pump out as many blended drinks and ice cream cones, but like most girls, I will call it glistening because that sounds more attractive. Today would have been a great day for:

1) air conditioning
2) An alcoholic beverage
3) Nice customers

However, I had none of those. Instead I had quite the opposite.

1) A younger man brought in a reeses peanut butter cup and asked me to blend it in with his ice cream. At first I wanted to tell him that he can go to McDonald's a short walk away and get a mcflurry. Instead, I thought, ok, be nice, YOU know you don't work at an ice cream shoppe, not everyone is as clever. I finally get his imitation McFlurry ready and hand it to him. Then he hands me exact change and asks for an ice water as well. Rude

2) The espresso machine and ice cream machine and pastry display case spurt out hot air all day. Rude

3) A "softer" woman walks by wearing tie-dye pants and a loose fitting bikini top. Rude! And also gross

4) A soft talking man kept talking to me about agave syrup and napping. Fascinating. I only wish I had had more time to hear more about these two things

5) Veronica (we'll call her) comes in as usual with her reverse mullet and gets a juice. As usual I ask her how her day is. As usual she tells me it sucks and thank god it's the weekend. Then she tells me about getting paid overtime and how all the people in her way suck. Have a nice day Veronica!!!!!!!!

And for the grand finale...

Gold Teeth!
He returned to tell me that I gave him the wrong number again. I believe this is the 3rd time I have given him the wrong number. Most men give up after the 1st time. Why he keeps trying is beyond me. Again he ordered a drink for himself and told me that he will buy me whatever I want. I repeated that I can get whatever I want and he doesn't have to pay for it. Then he told me that he almost didn't come in since I gave him the wrong number, but he wanted to check just to see if I would be there, then surprise me. Then he sat and stared for a good 45 minutes. Asked me if I liked his beard. His beard is in the shape of an upside down triangle and gray. I told him that it's nice but he should grow it out to his knees and then tape it on the top of his head since he is bald. I personally thought I was being rude. He thought it was funny and laughed really loudly for a really long time. Then he asked to buy me something. Then I said I didn't need anything. Then he informed me that his feelings get hurt when I don't accept his money. Next time, I will tell him to just tip me the price of a drink and so he can stop feeling bad, another $50 would be nice. If his reaction is good, I might even throw in that he can go pick me up a japanese soup bowl.

Gray's piano player

Today I decided it was a good day to put on my own music. I'm generally a fan of ethnic music, also reggaeton and hip hop. Since hip hop isn't really a good genre for a caffe, I opted for the ethnic which has a couple reggaeton songs. Then a lady walks in. While I am making her drink she lets me know that she likes my music. I mentally give myself a high-five for having such high quality music taste. Then she asks me if I ever listen to Macy Gray. I remember vaguely listening to that maybe 10 years ago, so I say yes. She gets really excited and asks me if I have her CD. I start to wonder if she has only just discovered Macy Gray. But as she continues speaking I realize that this has long been an obsession. Not with Macy Gray but with her son, Macy Gray's piano player and songwriter. She was so proud. I almost asked if he was cute but then caught myself and instead asked for a CD.

Sweaty McSweaterson

It was a hot day. I will say that. I even was hot, which is saying something. However, no matter how hot it is, unless you are at the beach, you shouldn't really walk into a place without your shirt on. That is unless you have a 6-pack and your name is Cristiano Ronaldo. Or if you are silver fox, then it might be acceptable.

A man walked in wearing no shirt and a pair of ill-fitting shorts. I wasn't too bothered at first. I guessed he was maybe riding his bike or something and needed to stop for some water. But then as he was trying to find his money, I became increasingly grossed out. He was sweating all over the place. I was watching it drip from his chin as he was searching his backpack for a quarter. I was about to just donate a quarter to his water fund when he decided that he would just pay with dollars. I had the unfortunate luck of touching his sweaty dollar but luckily pulled away quick enough that the droplet from his chin didn't land on my hand. I wonder if he is from Antarctica? Then it would explain why he was especially hot on a day like today. If he comes in again I think I would like to call him Arctic Penguin.

Cell Phones

One of the things I hate the most is my cell phone. I have a serious issue talking on it for some reason. And also I keep losing it. Because I hate cell phones, I really really hate it when people show up to the counter and are still talking on their cell phones and expect me to read their minds.

Luckily, this didn't quite happen today. This businessman came in and showed me his cell phone. I said, "hey, nice phone businessman." He agreed that it was a nice phone and told me that he needed to make an important private call. I listened because I think that he is going to do something nice. Then he wants to sit in the caffe, not order anything, and make his phone call. I give him my most annoyed face. But then he proceeds further and says "I mean, do you really need the music? Is it that necessary?" I think the disgusted look on my face was answer enough because he promptly said nevermind and walked out of the store. All I could think was sad businessman, real sad, I guess you should have stayed at the office a little longer.

Nitro

There is a bus driver and I like to call him Nitro. I am not really sure how that nickname came about but he goes along. I like to think that we are friends. Sometimes he even gives me bus passes for the day. But today, Nitro was obnoxious. He kept wanting things for free. I said no. Then he kept trying to change the deal. I said no. Then he said come on. I said no. Then he asked me if we were friends. I said no. Then he tried to talk to me more while I have a line of people waiting to order. Rude.

And then I thought of newspaper man and how he has helped me to learn to say no. I think I am getting pretty good at it. Sorry Nitro.

Silver Fox, where are you? I'm still waiting

Gold Teeth is back

Gold teeth has returned. I don't know how to get rid of him. I wish he weren't a customer because then I could tell him to stop coming in. These are the things he attempted to do today

1) Buy me coffee.
He asked me what my favorite drink was. Then I told him. Then he told me to make myself one and he will buy it. Maybe he's still confused that I work there and can get my coffee drink for free.

2) Invite me to a weekend event

After I politely turned him down, he then told me how I had given him the wrong number before. I smiled. He told me how he tried to call but it didn't work. I said sorry, sometimes numbers confuse me, especially when a phone is involved. He said that it was ok because he thought he would just surprise me anyway. I thought great. Then he left. I actually thought great. Then he showed up later in the evening to show me what he bought at the shopping mall.
I still don't care. I only want to know where he polishes his gold teeth.

Who is Senor Atkins?

I wonder who this Atkins guy is? He's created a diet and become famous. I suppose I should look it up, but I guess I am not that interested. Instead, I like to think of him as a really big man who looks like a bear. He probably used to be 600 pounds and hated eating diet food. Then decided that it would be a good idea to only eat meat. I mean, I don't know why nobody thought of that earlier. If I wanted to go on a diet, I would seriously consider only eating meat. But I need to come up with a different idea and call it a new diet. Maybe the donut diet. Start the morning off with half a donut, for lunch eat the other half, then for dinner, only the cream of a cream filled donut. Who knows, the pounds might just melt off. I shall call it the Princess Dow Diet. That way when you say it, it sounds like "Dough" but really it means female deer which are always very elegant and slender.

But anyway, Atkins is famous. And people follow him. For example, an entire family who came in today. They didn't order a single drink that wasn't made with heavy whipping cream. However, I don't carry heavy whipping cream, so i told them about half and half. They said ok. But as little as I know about the Atkins diet, I know that half and half probably doesn't fit into the system. I won't inform them of this because I bet they are feeling very proud of how well they are following the diet.

Money Returned

About a month ago a lady borrowed $5. Today she came in and brought me back my $5. Then she ordered an ice cream cone. Then she went off about how she hates stale cones. I assured her that we don't have those. Then she ate her ice cream. Then she wanted to tell me more about stale cones and how at one place she had to eat her ice cream off a stale cone. I wanted to tell her that I didn't care and sometimes I like stale things, but I was scared she might ask to borrow more money.

First Day Back

Yesterday I get back from Asia, today I am back at work at the caffe. I am in a pretty good mood so I am thinking that today is going to be great. My first few customers go through without a hitch, and then the 4th walks in. It's the same guy who visited me right before I left. From now on, I am going to refer to him as GoldTeeth. Apparently he had been waiting for me to get back. I usually would think that's a nice thing to say to someone, but at this moment I just wanted to laugh. Mostly because I couldn't believe this was happening.

Of course he goes to sit down so he can shout at me while I help other people. A girl walks in as he shouts, "you lost weight, didn't you?" I didn't really think so, so I responded, hmmmm, no, I don't think so. Then he goes, "yes, you did. You used to be thicker before." This is when I start to wonder how long he is going to be sitting for since he's really quite the charmer.

His compliment then turns into him trying to talk me into giving him computer lessons. First off, how does he not know how to use a computer? Apparently by September, he would like to learn to send an e-mail. I hold in my laughter. I tell him there are classes at a public library. He doesn't want to be in a class, he just wants to be tutored by me. All I have to do is name my price. I keep trying to tell him that I don't have time and can't really give computer tutoring. He doesn't hear me because he keeps asking when he should come in next. Apparently he also doesn't understand that I am not able to tutor somebody while at work. Then he offers this really practical option: that I can go to his house or he can come to mine. Did I mention that his front teeth are all gold and each finger is adorned with huge gold rings and diamonds. After he writes his name and number on a paper, he wants mine. I say no. Then he asks me again. I continue to say no. Then he shows me all his ID cards like I should care. I still say no. Then he tells me that he has a Florida area code for his phone because all his family lives there. I tell him congratulations. Then he asks me one more time. Finally I give him the number of the store. However, I can never remember the actual number so I just gave him a random number. Maybe he will learn a lesson, the first one being to stop bothering me, the 2nd, how to use a computer.

The Hole Punch

Now that the grand opening is under way, it's my main goal to get them organized. Though it is fun to watch from a distance. 3 employees. 1 customer. Time of drink: 3 minutes. I try to explain that with more people it should be faster and not actually slower, but that's a bit hard to get across. But then it's just really amusing. This is how it all starts

Customer comes up to counter
All 3 employees greet the customer
Customer explains what s/he wants
All 3 employees look at customer
All 3 employees try to do the cash register
All 3 employees then move to the espresso machine and stare at it
1 employee starts to get the espresso ready
2 employees stare at the 1 employee doing the work
1 employee starts to steam the milk
Other 2 employees continue to watch
All 3 employees put the mug out for the customer...3 minutes later

After witnessing this operation of events, I realize they desperately need a manual. Then I take a mission in the blazing sun to find a 3-hole punch. I go to 3 different shopping malls. No hole punch. Then I find 2 different business centers. No Hole punch. 1 hour later I am sweating. Finally I find a center that has a 1 hole punch. So I ask if I can please pay to use it and hole punch the papers. Then the lady tells me that her boss will get mad. I say but I will pay you for this. Then she tells me that she doesn't rent out the hole punch. I tell her that I don't want to rent the hole punch, I just want to use it for a few minutes at the little table she has in the back. Then she says that I will disturb the hotel guests that are staying there. I am not sure how unless every 5 punches the alarm goes off on the hole punch. I tell her that what she just told me makes no sense since the hold punch doesn't make any noise. Then she stares at me. So then I leave. 1.5 hours later...find an Internet cafe. It has a 2 hole-punch. So then I use that but the 2 holes aren't spaced properly. But I have had enough walking around, so 1 hour later, I have hole punched 40 pages using a 2 hole punch, but angling it so that only one is punching the hole. Who would have thought that finding a 3 hole punch would be so difficult.

Is there a funeral?

I arrive to the caffe on the Grand Opening. Then I see in the front are what appear to be funeral flowers. I have no idea what is going on. Then more flowers keep getting delivered. And it still looks like funeral flowers to me. They are in circles and hearts with banners across them. You can't even see anything in the caffe, only the flowers. I wonder if we can pretend the caffe is a cruise boat instead of a caffe and we can take peoples pictures in the middle of the flower circle and tell them they are "boarding ship." Somehow, I have a feeling they wouldn't get the joke. But at least I would laugh. I am getting a little tired of spending all day every day in a shopping mall. And to think that I thought I liked shopping...

But there is donut place nearby and I love those.