Is this Caffeinated?

I was minding my business, drinking some coffee, when a lady walks in wearing a boat hat. First off, boat hats are completely out of style. They are even more out of style when paired with a rain poncho and shorts. I have a feeling that I am going to have to deal with a very difficult and annoying lady. My assumption proves to be true when she starts by saying "Is there a Starbucks in here?" I quickly give her my meanest look so she knows she is being rude and tell her "No." I am loving this word these days. I've never said it so much in my life. Quite refreshing. I sort of hope that ms. annoying leaves but she doesn't. Instead I am forced to deal with her for another couple of minutes.

Francine: Is there a Starbucks in here?
me: No
Francine: Well where can I find a Starbucks?
me: Just keep walking down that way and eventually you will find one.
Francine: Well, do you have samples of your coffee so I can see if I like it?
me: (do you have a sample of a boat hat that you can give me?) Here, try this.
Francine: Do you have cream and sugar?
me: (Lady, I've just given you less than an ounce of coffee. If you want to taste it, you should taste it black) It's at the end of the counter.
Francine: (Stands there sipping on her coffee which she has now poured 6 ounces of cream into)
me: So, how did you like the coffee?
Francine: Doesn't taste like there's caffeine in it. Is there any caffeine in this?
me: That's because you diluted all of it with cream. And also, for the record, yes there is caffeine in it. All coffee has caffeine, even decaf.
Francine: Well, it doesn't taste like there is caffeine in it.
me: Well there is. You are just used to the taste of burnt coffee which is what Starbucks tastes like.
Francine: I guess so. How much does it cost to take the train from A to B?
me: I have no idea. I am not an information center.
Francine: (gives me a dirty look)
me: If you aren't going to buy any coffee here, you really shouldn't steal all of our sugar packets
Francine: (walks out of the caffe...but with the sugar packets hidden in her pockets)

10 minutes later...

These police start to roll in and there seems to be something going on. Of course I am curious so I leave the counter to see what is going on.

And guess who's getting arrested...Maybe somebody should think twice before they steal sugar. Ask a neighbor instead.