Two new things

1) Someone came in. Then they farted. Then they pretended to be interested in coffee. When the fart started to smell they escaped. Lucky me

2) Little cop decided to visit multiple times today. Only twice did he stare at my ass. Then I told him to do something. He told me to stop reading. Then he went on to BRAG that he has never read an entire book before in his life. He thinks the books good enough to read are always made into movies, so therefore, he never has to read. I wondered if he even knew how to read (since he clearly doesn't know how to not be socially awkward) so I asked him if he knew how to read. Then he responded "I don't read good, but I know how. At least enough to get a job." I told him he should have said 'well' instead of 'good'. And then he told me to "shut up."

Take a swim

That is what I said to newspaper man. He kept coming in today, so I wanted to see just how annoying I could get before he would leave me alone. Then I started laughing mid-conversation because it's so funny to talk to him. I just keep saying "no" because I really have no idea what he is saying and "no" is always a better answer than "yes" when you don't understand.

First he tried to steal my tips. I told him "NO!" Then he said he was "gon stea ew." This translates to "I'm going to steal you". I said no again. Then I told him he should go jump in the ocean. He said "ok." Then I said, "yes, I hope you can swim. Whether you can or can't, I am going to push you into the ocean next chance I get." Then he said, "no, you come too." I started to wonder if he was catching onto my game which would have been a huge problem. So then I mixed it up and shouted "How about i punch you in the face?" And he said "ok." And then he bought a coke from me too. So overall I felt pretty satisfied with my day. I think now I should get my certified license in translation.

Also someone told me I had the voice of a little girl. I wanted to punch him too but little girls don't punch, so I didn't. But little girls also don't drink coffee, nor do they know how to make it so it's certain to say this man also did not get his coffee. Now who's the little girl?

I'm going to punch you

I have this new thing these days. Usually I get addicted to different kinds of foods. I went through phases of corn nuts, zucchini, artichokes, and also goldfish. Yes, I know none of those make sense. It may seem like I am a pregnant woman, but I'm not. I just think it's fun. So now, instead of being addicted to food, I am addicted to punching people. Not literally because I couldn't actually punch someone. But I think you can get the same effect if you just say it. So I am really addicted to saying "I'm going to punch you". I have developed this new tendency only because I have met a lot of "interesting" people recently.

- a jerk

- a lady who freaked out on me about ice cream. She couldn't eat gluten and all the flavors we had included gluten. I said I'm sorry. She yelled at me. I told her it must be very hard to not be able to eat gluten. She rocked back and forth and rubbed her head. Then I offered her a cookie because everybody loves cookies. Then she yelled at me again. Then she told me it was probably a really gross cookie. Then I said, hey lady, cookies are not gross. And also, I have sampled all the cookies (hence the extra 5 pounds) and it is very delicious. Then she decided to try it. And then yelled at me one more time. And then said "I better not like this cookie because I don't come here very often." I couldn't even comment because I wasn't sure what that meant. But I did know I was happy because I don't like being yelled at. But then she came back. And then she bought another cookie.

- Another person with crazy eyes! What is going on these days? But her crazy eyes were pointed out, and they didn't move. It was nuts! Then she ordered a gross drink of course, and kept mentioning to me that I needed to make it just like at Starbucks. Well, news flash, if you want a Starbucks drink, then go there. I don't know how they make their drinks, I don't work at Starbucks. So I just added lots of flavors, lots of ice, lots of whip cream, and poured some bad shots. Hopefully it will taste just like Starbucks.

- Someone left me a tip on their credit card of 0.16 cents. I didn't even get a full quarter ;(

- Then liar man came in today. Was worried about me because he hasn't heard from me. (A normal guy would get that, but he apparently isn't normal). Then he talked to me about his flight from Philly and the turbulence for 10 minutes while I had a line. I finally got him to shut up when he grabbed my hand and asked me to go see a movie with him sometime. I tried to regain compusure (while simultaneously thinking about bleaching my hand) and responded that I was very busy and usually at the caffe so I probably will never be able to see a movie. And then he told me he would stop by and visit me after the movie. Hmmmm

Bad Combination

Some people like coffee, most people don't. Most people think they like coffee but really they just like to add a bunch of flavors to it and then they call themselves coffee drinkers. I secretly laugh at them because I know they are not. So I think that what I need to do is invent a theme day. And this day will be called "Barista's Choice." And then I will make for everyone the drinks they should have. There will be no milkshakes, no white mochas, and no large cappuccinos since you should always order those in the 8 ounce size anyway. I think people will probably really like that. Afterall, how can you not trust the #1 employee?

There is this man who is named after a Tree. He is very tall. Also skinny. Also very weird. I say this because he is trying to be manly in some ways but he's also like a girl. And he's almost always nervous. So he had been ordering this soy blended drink. I would make it special for him since I figured he was lactose intolerant. But then I assumed wrongly because today he wanted me to add ice cream to it. So then it became part milkshake part girly drink. And as it blends together in all it's gloriousness, he pulls out a cigar. I wonder if he's going to "double fist." And then I picture his voice changing after each thing. After a smoke he speaks in a really deep voice, and then after a sip of his drink, in a really high girly voice. That would be funny. And then I can understand why you need both those things to establish a balance. But if not, well then I have one comment.

Hey tree man, smoking is bad for you. And also so are girly drinks.

Gifts

I love gifts. I mostly love them in the form of
- cash
- cars (powerwheels accepted)
- free trips
- drinks
- clothes
- food
- and also massages

However, today I got 2 gifts that weren't part of my list but it was still pretty neat.

There is this man. His name is Herbert. He is a regular customer. He is also older and a bit of a nerd. I think he's entering a midlife crisis because he has dyed his hair a blondish color which looks pretty bad (but I want my tip so I don't say that.) So one day when I wasn't that busy he stuck around for longer than usual. I was wondering why but I figured he was just lonely. We were talking about books when he all of a sudden changed topic.

me: Yeah I just finished this book, it was pretty good, now I'm onto this one
him: Yeah, on my days off I like to go to some museums, go to movies, take walks along the beach, etc
me: (insert confused look)
him: So what do you like to do on your days off?
me: Ummmm, hang out with friends, read, I don't know, stuff
him: So do you want to hang out sometime?
me: (after turning bright red) Yes, well I am not looking to date anybody right now. I just want friends. Plus, I am usually really busy.
him: Yeah, of course, just as friends is what I meant. I just think you are interesting and we always have lots to talk about
me: (In my head) That's my job. If you watched me for more than 1 minute you would realize I do the same for all customers. It's called customer service, not flirting.

So after that happened I felt awkward. He just kept trying to show off. Now everytime he comes in he brags about something new, this time his impeccable music taste. The time before I heard all about his expensive computers. I humor him. But now every week he brings me a new CD to improve my music taste in addition to showing me how versatile his music taste is. Hey, I'm not complaining. I love CDs. I also love computers...

And then a police officer came in. He's pretty awkward. And then I caught him staring at my ass. If only I could carry around a taser gun...

little chubs

It always makes me smile when a young boy comes into the caffe and makes an attempt to act mature. Like they drink coffee, please. I should write up a special called "coffee milk" just for them.

But today was an even better exception to the young male generation. A boy walked in, probably about 15, maybe 14 or 12 even, who can really tell. And he starts to make some chit chat. I, of course, am amused, so I let him keep going. He goes on about the different products, then talks about where he lives (I actually have no idea but he kept saying this one thing that I just assumed was his home), and then opens his mini backpack to pull out his money from a ziplock bag. I start to wonder whether he will order a coffee, but he doesn't, he goes straight for the milkshake. After saying thanks he leaves and not 5 minutes later comes back in. I wonder if something is wrong with his milkshake but then he wants to get a donut, which he changes to 2 donuts, and then just decides to have 3. What a little chubs. I bet his mom gave him $10 to buy dinner after a school field trip and he decided it was a better option to get a milkshake and 3 donuts. I mean, who wouldn't do that? Everybody loves a good donut. I just hope his mom doesn't come back to yell at me for his son's poor decision. But more importantly, why does this young boy have a mini backpack?

Russian in the News

Russian came in today. He was pretty amazing today. Apparently there was a dead man found floating in the water somewhere. He found the body. There were newspeople and radio stations and everything. I somehow managed to not hear about any of this, nor see it even though "it" happened when I was working...

I told him congratulations. Then said that was disgusting. Then he continued to tell me how everybody was telling him how brave he was and also that he wouldn't be able to eat, probably, but he could because he doesn't mind those things. He can look at anything and it doesn't bother him because he's a man. He could've been a doctor (just didnt' go to college nor is he smart enough). But he's good at eating. I can vouch for that.

Then he touched my arm. I was a bit repulsed. Also no tip and I listened to the whole lie.

Slaves

We make a supply list every couple of days. We write down what we are almost out of so that we are not ever completely out of things. This is generally a pretty good system. It's even a better system when a foreigner is making the list. On the supply list there was one in particular that caught my attention. Slaves.
Of coures, Tatiana wrote the list and she meant to write sleeves (as in cup sleeves). I, however, preferred slaves. I would like to buy a slave to work at the caffe. But not a slave as in person, but more like a slave creature, like in Harry Potter. And it can clean and restock but it can also be my friend. And when someone is rude, I can have it pop up on the counter and scare people into being nice, and also scare them into giving me more tips. And just so there would be no conufsion, I would like to call it Slavey. If only you could pick one of these up at Costco.

how to teach English

There is a girl who works with me. She is foreign. She is Tatiana. Her English is pretty good but she still misses a few things. I decided it was my duty as manager and also fellow co-worker to teach her a few good things. These are the things she has so far learned
1) Awkward (and how to make an awkward turtle using her hands)
2) Obnoxious
3) Man Candy (She really enjoyed this one. She then proceeded to go around saying Candy Man which wasn't quite the same thing but I still enjoyed it)

Some other things that happened today
- Judy didn't annoy me which felt great. She still looked a little like a clown, plus added sweat (she did walk up a flight of stairs instead of the elevator).

- Homeless #3 visited. He also added 30 sugars to his coffee and then laughed to himself. I laughed at him, then he stopped, and then so did I. Then he touched my hand. Gross
-Kyle visited. Again. and Again. And then Again. 4 times today. Almost a new record

-Angry woman showed up and talked about how she hates the weather. She always hates something so I wasn't surprised even though it was sunny out. Apparently she has allergies and asthma. I would think she would hate having 3 chins too but I didn't ask her. Instead she told me about how she was sweating all day and coughing so people left her alone. She really seems like someone I would like to be friends with outside the caffe!

-And the caffe was named the safest in all the world because all the police were in having a "break." They also talked about pole dancing, milk chugging contests, and saltene eating competitions. Now that's what I call good protection!

I almost escaped...

I thought that today would be my first entirely normal day at work. All the customers were pretty regular. No homeless visitors. Not very good tips. All very normal for a Monday. So I closed up and got out of there. And then it happened

I was walking, minding my own business, then I hear some footsteps running up behind me. Then they stop next to me. Then this person realizes that I work at the caffe. Then this person says that if I gave him my phone number he would definitely know me better than just at the caffe. Then this person tells me that his name is Kyle. Then I laugh to myself because I remember that dog named Kyle. Then Kyle asks me for a dollar. I say I don't have one of those. Then he asks me why? And I say, I don't know, ask my customers who all decided not to tip today. Then he asks me at least for my number. Then I say no. Then he asks me if I have a boyfriend. Then I say yes (even though I don't). Then he asks me if I smoke. Then I say no. Then he asks me if I'm foreign since I have an accent. Then I tell him no (but am secretly flattered). Then he asks me for my number again. I still say no. Then he asks how long me and my boyfriend have been together. Then I say a year and 3 months. I think that sounds like a good number. Then he asks me why I am a barista. Then I say, that's a good question. I ask myself that same one every single day. Then he tells me that I should give him my resume and he will find me a job and then as a reward give him my number. I say no. And then I add, if you are so good at finding jobs, then how come you don't have one? Then he switches the subject and asks if I drink. I say sometimes. Then he says that we should have a drink sometime. I said how about you just come by the caffe every once in awhile (code for please don't ever visit me at the caffe). Then he waited with me until my ride showed up.

Nice to meet you Kyle.

Cross-Eyes

Eyes are something I always look at. I try to aim for the spot right above the eyes but I always find myself staring straight into them. And that is where my pet peeve comes along. Crazy eyes. I cannot stand them. I call them crazy eyes because they make me go crazy and they are eyes.

So this woman enters and she looks normal. Until I make eye contact with her face. And then it hits. She has cross-eyes. I don't know where to look. I don't even know if she can see me or just her nose. This is not going to be good. Luckily she doesn't want anything, but rather wants to use a phone. I am attempting to be nice and instead of telling her to go use a pay phone, I give her my personal cell phone. A normal person would make the quick phone call. She, however, with crazy eyes and all, is not normal. She then talks for 30 minutes. I am about ready to kill her. But then she mentions to me, after hanging up, something something about her long distance lover. Then I almost puke. I wonder if he has crazy eyes too. Then she tries to steal the pastry box. I tell her no. She keeps trying to explain to me why it would be perfect for her. I still tell her no. She walks away mad.
1st: She's not even a customer
2nd: she's cross-eyed
3rd: She tells me extraneous information that I do not need or want to know
4th: she's a cross-eyed not customer

She finally leaves. I am happy. I wish I had had a drink to celebrate (I mean a real one, not coffee) but then she comes back because she needs to make another phone call to "work things out."
I think she doesn't have a long distance lover. Lie. I think she has a fake internet boyfriend who has never seen her or she was calling one of those local hotlines to talk to her "boyfriend" and "work things out."

the Manager gets caught

The phone keeps ringing and I can't answer because I have a line of customers. After the 3rd attempt I realize I should probably get it. I answer curtly "the Caffe..." And then the wrath starts.

Mad Lady: "May I please speak with the manager?"
Me as Manager/not manager: "She's not here right now but can I ask what this is regarding"
Mad Lady: "When will she be back so I can reach her? And who should I ask for?"
Me as not manager: "Her name is Coffee Princess."
Mad Lady: "And who am I speaking to right now?"
Me as now manager: Coffee Princess. Listen, I am the manager but I cannot talk right now. What is the problem?"
Mad Lady: "blah blah blah blah different caffe."
Me as manager: "Maam, you have the wrong caffe."
Mad Lady: "Oh. Sorry for being so rude to you."

And that is how I caught being the manager/not manager of a problem that wasn't even mine. Excellent.

the Russian and Celebs

The Russian visited again. I thought that luck was on my side because he hadn't visited for awhile but I thought too soon. I pretended to be busy as usual. He pretended to look for something to eat and drink as usual. As usual he took way too long. As usual he talked the whole time about things I am not interested in. He's still saying "that's what's up!"
I wanted to say that that was his expression from last week so now he needs a new one but I was too bored to chime in. Thank god I didn't say anything because then I got to hear about how he's signing with a record company (today) and that he's so tired because he's overworked. I wonder what he's overworked from doing...
So I start to clean, then I check my phone, he's still talking, he's going to MIA (Miami). I say, oh cool, that will be fun. He says, yes, probably, but I will be doing mostly record stuff. But then he goes a step further to add "I'll probably be hanging out with celebs the whole time." I tell him to take lots of pictures. But he doesn't want to take pictures because "celebs are just like regular people but with a higher salary." I think he doesn't own a camera. And also he won't see any celebs. And also his music career is fake. But that's just my opinion.

Bikinis and Coffee

There is this new development taking over the US. This development I am referring to is a mixture of stripper and barista. The point is to have your coffee served by a woman wearing a costume or bikini or pasties. You might wonder what kind of people frequent these places. I can only guess you get
- old people
- nasty people
- lonely men
- gross older men
- married men who are upset about their married life
- and probably the few random people who have no idea what they got themselves into

I, however, am proud I don't work at a place like that. I have a real life uniform too (although sometimes I don't wear it, but that's only because the manager is allowed to do these things).

And today I was told that I would probably make more tips if I wore a bikini to work like the girls who work at the bikini coffee stands. All of this from an older, overweight man, with a beer belly, and also 2 front fake teeth. I think I will pass.

I hit him

I "accidentally" ran into newspaper man today. I was carrying a crate so I thought that would be a good tool to establish my authority. So I pretended to hit him with it. I thought it was great. I think he thought it was great too since he yelled "You he me!" So I thought this was the perfect response, "Yes I did hit you. Watch out newspaper guy or I will do it again." Then he goes "I don care you he me!" So I think this gives me freedom to do it again and probably everyday.
I also noticed he looks like an elf. If only he were a midget.

Gross out on sight

Not many people have this ability. But some do. I am lucky to know one man who can do this, gross me out just on sight. As soon as he walks in, or really if I see him in my peripheral vision, I have this overwhelming feeling to vomit. It just comes up. It gets even better when he gets really close to the counter.
I don't think he ever actually buys a coffee but he grosses me out so much that I don't want him to cause any trouble. He carries around a big 23 oz. McDonald's cup. It's either filled with soda or coffee, but something black, and also not hot. I bet it's at least a month old. And really nobody should drink that. Maybe that's the cause of his looks?...
I always add 3 drops of coffee to the top. Then he sits down. Then he gets back up. Pants fall because he puts his books and maps (though he isn't a tourist) into his waistline. He picks up pants. I add another 3 drops to his coffee. He holds up pants with one hand and spills "coffee" on his shirt. All his money and cards and pens get wet in his shirt pocket. Instead of asking for a towel, he wants me to replace the 3 drops of coffee. His hand touches mine. I vomit in my mouth a little. Bleach my hand. Pray for him to leave. He unfortunately orders ice cream. Touches my hand again. Have to hold in vomit. Swallow vomit. Drink another cup of coffee to get vomit taste out of mouth. Then I pretend to look really busy. He asks for 3 more drops. I can't take it anymore. I tell him it's the last time. He sits for 2 hours. Tries to get more drips. I say he used them all up for the day. There are no more drips for the day. Then he asks me if it's cold outside. I respond "look out the window" since that's all that I am doing right now too.
I hope I don't die.

Silver Fox

There is man. He is older. He doesn't have gray hair, it's more of a dirty brown (if brown can be dirty?). He usually wears a suit (a nice fitted one). He is known as Silver Fox. He doesn't know that but it's a little code name we give him. We referring to me and my sister.

He always orders the girliest drinks but that's ok because he's a silver fox. He used to order smoothies without the sherbet, didn't want the extra calories. I mean, when you are a silver fox you do have to protect the body, keep it in top form. Then he used to order soy lattes. Now that is a super girly drink. I say, if you can't drink milk and you are a man/boy/almost man, then just get an americano and suck it up. But Silver Fox is allowed to do those things.

So today he came in. I made him a "special" drink. We talked about future gifts he could get me, as the #1 barista and all. And then he walked out talking on his phone. But he did leave a 100% tip. So bye Silver Fox. Until the next time.

I am Manager

This morning was especially great because I got in a real fight. I don't think I won, however, so maybe I need to bone up on some of my skills. The things I could have done...

- refuse business
- throw hot coffee on their face
- give them decaf instad of regular
- give them their change in canadian currency
- Farted

There are these taxi drivers who have a "stop" near to where I work. They are the absolute most obnoxious people i have ever met. They all are from Ethiopia. I have yet to meet a nice person from that country. They don't want to pay for their drinks, they want to pay something less. Did I mention they are also very cheap. So they keep trying to take free things. So I yelled at them, and they yelled back, but they wouldn't pay and had their drinks, so then I had to back down and let them pay what they wanted. But next time, they can pay 3 times the normal amount. Because I am manager and that's what I do. And also one of the guys kept wanting to come back, so he would sneak around the corner, then I would give him death eyes, and he would scurry off. So maybe I did win! And then next time they want their coffee, I can arrange a full on wrestling match (not with me of course, between them). And whoever wins can have coffee but nobody else. Since they love competition, I think this might work as a good business tactic.

Signing off,
Manager

Butter

I am wondering if I missed some Special News Story on Health this week. Everybody was mentioning different things about diets and health observations that made absolutely no sense.

#1) This overweight lady walks in and starts talking about how happy she is with all of our healthy options. I think she is trying to lose weight. So we talk a little about that. I mention that it's nice to go to a caffe and not only have to get pastries but something else too. Then I casually mention how I ate too many pastries when I first started that I gained a few pounds. How are you supposed to find your future boyfriend when you are getting larger everyday, and not in a good way? I think she might get a yogurt and granola or fruit, but I am pleasantly surprised with her choice of a cinnamon roll. She goes above and beyond when she asks me to give her a couple extra butter pats to throw on it.

#2) Older man who orders a soy mocha. Then he changes it to decaf. Then he changes that to half soy half cream. I don't get it. He told me that he likes to trick himself into thinking he is getting something healthy, which is why he throws the soy in there, and also decaf. hmmmmm, still not getting it. So then he adds, and that's why I opt out of the whip cream. Would it be rude if I told him that soy has more calories than regular milk and that milk is better for you than cream?

Kyle

When I say Kyle, most people would probably think a man. Possibly my boyfriend, or just a friend, or my sister's boyfriend's brother, but actually Kyle is a dog. I am all about naming your pets human names, I think it's fun and funny, but to treat your dog like a human, is a bit more ridiculous.

A man walks in with his dog, Kyle, and kept talking to him in a baby voice. I wanted to say
1) Your dog shouldn't be drinking coffee
2) Your dog probably doesn't speak English, maybe Spanish but definitely not English
3) If that is indeed your baby, he's very hairy
4) Maybe you need to find yourself a girlfriend (sorry Kyle)

So I pretended to be friendly to the dog until the man orders his drink like Kyle is ordering it. That's when I gave up. So Kyle likes grande mochas with whipcream but not too much to get stuck in his "mustache" and Kyle also doesn't know a thing about tipping. Rude Kyle.

Newspaper man is making some more frequent appearances these days. I’ve now gotten stuck twice “talking” to him. However, I have developed this new tactic with him which is proving to work out really well. Before he starts any sentence I just shout “No!” and then continue to do that while he’s talking. So, he keeps talking (I keep not understanding anything that comes out of his mouth, also because he has no teeth), and I keep laughing. The best part is he thinks I am laughing at what he’s saying which is why he keeps talking but really I am laughing at watching him try to talk. However, I did decipher a couple things, so I like to think I am making progress. “I wan dis” (which was in reference to the caffe.) and then “I wan ju” (in reference to me). I think he only learned to say things in which he wants. So then I said if you want to continue to stand at my counter, you can give me $200. He laughed and goes, No, $800. I think that’s a pretty good deal. Maybe if he didn’t eat sugar packets he would have more brain cells.

Transition Lenses

I have never really understood transition lenses. I mean, I get the concept but why would you ever buy them?
1) You look like a complete idiot
2) They never transition fast enough
3) What happens on a cloudy day?
4) If your office light is too bright do they turn to sunglasses even though you’re inside?
5) You look like a real dumbass

I only know this because a man walked in to the caffe and they were still trying to transition. He couldn’t see the Menu board and then only one lens transitioned. After I had to tell him all the options on the Menu AND made his drink for him did his transitions finally transition. Dumb.

Hanging out Homeless

Homeless #2 thought it would be a nice idea to visit multiple times today. He even let his hair down like it was a special occasion. He’s got some Fabio locks going for him but more scraggly and also greasy since he isn’t showering that regularly. He apparently thought it was hilarious to have seen me out over the weekend. I too thought it was hilarious, not to have seen him, but that today he claimed to be “tight with the bouncer of the nightclub” and that is why he was hanging out outside. I would have thought the bouncer would have at least brought him a drink, or let him hang out where it’s warm, in the doorway at least. So then that got me thinking; Liars before Homeless, or do they become Liars after they are homeless? So now I refer to the many homeless people as either BH(before homeless) or AH (after homeless) depending on their signs, which is less offensive in my opinion. And he also still has his Jimmi Hendrix stick. I asked.

the Beaver

When I say Beaver, I am referring to not only the animal, but also a customer. In my opinion, she looks like one. She has the perfect teeth, she talks with a lisp (which is what I imagine a beaver to talk like), she spits when she talks, and she wears a fanny pack. She also carries a walking stick with her, just like a log but not really. She brought in her stupid friend today, who instead of wanting to pay for her drink offered me a poem instead. Unfortunately, a poem written on the back a free postcard doesn't really "pay" for a drink. Maybe, maybe if it could have made me cry, then I would have let it slide but it was only about flowers, and that doesn't make a person cry. So Beaver and cheapie kept trying to talk to me about their day and I tried gratiously to keep wiping the spit off my face without offending them, but finally I just ducked under the counter and pretended to look for something. They kept talking for awhile, surprising enough until they realized I hadn't responded in the last 2 minutes.
So I have newly decided that alcohol might be the answer. If I can just drink during my shift, everything will seem funnier. And maybe my face will be numb so I won't even feel it when people are spitting all over me

Town Rejects

The Town Rejects decided to get out today, and I guess their field trip was to the Caffe. I of course think they should take their trips to places such as a museum, aquarium, park, or better yet, hop on the public transport and ride around for a day.

First comes in this lady and her daughter. She is a complete hippy with the voice of a mouse. But she always carries around a guitar so maybe her voice changes to something beautiful when she sings. While her kid is running around crazily she looks at the list of flavors, then orders her coffee and tells me to add sweetener. There is a flavor called "sweetener" which I assumed she was talking about. So, I made it for her, added the sweetener then gave it to her. She then proceded to get very angry with me and told me I should have asked her what kind of sweetener. I tried to explain that there is a flavor called sweetener, sweetened with splenda. She made such a big deal of wanting sweet & Low I offered to make her a new one, but instead she looked at her drink in disgust and says "No, I will just deal with this and drink it. Next time you really should ask." I just gave up.

Following her is my other favorite. The man with the comcast hat and always 3 grocery bags. I am never sure what they are filled with but he loves to leave his bags for me to "watch" while never buying anything and then trying to steal things from the store.

And then it all made sense. These two people knew each other. Of course they did! I am guessing they only have each other to turn to but even they didn't seem to like chatting with each other. And that's why drugs are bad.

Extermination

The Bug exterminator came today. He's always a bit weird. This time he decided to stick around and talk to me. Now, I wasn't that interested but he was. And when I wasn't responding he thought blurting out that he was installing 2 monitors was a good idea. Well, he was right, because I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, so I asked. Apparently when he's not killing bugs he likes to go home and play games on his computer and sometimes compete against people on the internet. He thought that was pretty cool. I think it's more neat than cool

Therapy Jar

In honor of April Fools, and also in honor of my life I think this day is in need of some serious jokes. So I made a little jar, and I called this little jar the "Therapy Jar." Then if anybody decided to to talk to me about their "problems" or "issues" they would have to put something in the jar. I also wanted to install a little timer so that I could hit it when they started and it would ring a bell. Then I could tell them they better talk faster because it's a dollar a minute. But I couldn't find a bell