The Gangs all Back

The motorcycle/bowling team came back today. I was hoping they might have forgotten about me, but they didn't. They remembered I was the girl who made the "ball" comment. I tried to ask if they remembered to bring me my jacket but they didn't. Then they said that I had to earn the jacket. Somehow to earn a jacket one must leg wrestle the members of the motorcycle gang. I don't know about you, but this does not seem like an equal deal to me. I think I will just make my own jacket and wear it next time they come in. That will show them. I don't have time to play games.

Then a man came in and he seemed really cute. Future boyfriend? I think I should start having an application for them to fill out before I get involved, just to make sure they are at least the same age as me. However, I had a good feeling about this one. I mean, he had a suitcase with him and he didn't look homeless. He even told me that I could make him whatever drink I wanted. I made him close his eyes so that it could seem like a real surprise. I think he really appreciated the fact that I made it like a real surprise. So I presented him with my newest made up drink. He seemed to like it. I thought this was good flirting. Then I asked him if he was traveling or what. And he said no. Then I said, well why do you have a suitcase then. He answered, for clothes. I had no idea what that meant. Then he continued, "yeah, this way I can just change my clothes when I want." Of course I would find him cute. But then he said, "Just kidding!" What a guy, he knows how to joke. Then we were talking for a bit. He introduced himself as Johnny. Then another customer came and he started to walk backwards and crashed into our display case. Cute. Maybe he'll be back...with a surprise for me!

Herbal Teas

As I was walking to work today, it was raining. I was thinking about different things, like hot chocolates and cars, and then I slipped in a puddle. I think it was pretty funny, at least I had to pretend because I happened to fall right in front of a bus stop full of people. I slid down the hill, did something similar to the splits, and screamed OOOOO. Nobody helped. I still made it to work on time despite the quick obstacle. I was hoping this wouldn't be an omen for what my day would be. But it was...

- dropped a milk jug on my foot
- had milk explode onto my shirt
- flipped over a container of chocolate
- cut my hand on a yogurt container

Just kidding. Those things didn't happen, just the cut with the yogurt container. But I did have a lady order an herbal tea. She was quite annoying. Then I started to think about herbal teas instead of hot chocolates and realized that I find most people who get herbal teas to be very annoying. This lady especially. I heard about her nature camps, how herbal tea affects her digestive system, and how she makes all her own shirts out of hemp. After hearing all this I told her that I liked to drink just hot water and smiled. She smiled. Then I told her I met a lady who poked her eye out the other day. I bet herbal tea can't cure that.

Diets

I like the word diet, but only when it is said backwards. Then it sounds cooler and also like it's a word in German, Steid. Diets are too hard to follow in my opinion. Once I tried to be on one, but then all I could think about was food so clearly I gave that one up. I think it lasted all of 3 days. I also love when people come to order drinks and inform me they are on a diet. I especially love it when they order a blended 20 ounce mocha immediately after, but tell me to forget the whip cream because of their diet. I always want to say, well, the whole drink sort of contradicts your diet anyway so why not add the whip cream, but then again, I'm not the one on a diet.

Antonio has recently informed me of his diet. I forgot to tell him that I don't really care, but he comes in every single day to let me know of his progress. Apparently, today, he is down to 198 pounds. The things he can now do at 198 pounds are:

- bend over and tie his shoes
- sweep the floors with more energy
- Be a jerk for longer with his newly increased stamina
- Wear his zip-up fleece vest, zipped up

I tried to ignore him but it's hard when someone is standing directly in front of you demonstrating their new skill set and rubbing their belly at the same time.

Then another man came in shortly afterwards. He was a boxer in his day. We will call him Ken. He comes in every single evening. He also repeats the same things every single time. It is going on month 6 of me hearing about his days as a boxer. I think he got punched one too many times that he can't seem to remember ever telling me any of this. Poor Ken. Where's Barbie? Before he left, he told me about the pimples developing on his forehead. He seemed unhappy about this, especially since he's over 50. Hmmmm....

And then just when I thought I couldn't take any more, I spied Silver Fox, and then everything was ok.

Russian has finally returned

I was starting to think that Russian had actually made it in the music business. It had been a few months since I had seen him. Last thing I heard, he was headed to Miami to meet with some serious producers. I thought he was lying, then I thought, maybe I should have been nicer. Then today, he showed up out of the blue. I decided to ask him about his trip to Miami. Turns out, he never went. "Work" got in the way. I'm sure. So he never even went to Miami. I mean MIA, excuse me. So I asked if he was still doing music. Honest question. But now, apparently, he's over it. And to think I ALMOST thought he was serious about a music career. Now, he's focusing on taking a trip to Europe, to go back to his Russian roots. Maybe he will learn to speak some Russian before he goes. Perhaps next time I will suggest that to him.

Missing Eye

I think because I have an issue with eyes, I keep meeting people with eye issues. I try not to focus on it too much, but sometimes, it's very difficult and I can't help myself. Most times I wonder what happened, and other times I have to wonder where they are looking. I try to find these answers tactfully but that doesn't always happen. Sometimes I walk quickly back and forth behind the counter to see which eye is following me. Other times I try to talk about a personal accident and see if they tell me about theirs. Today, I didn't even have to do anything special. This lady just came right out and told me.



Yunis: Hey!
Me: Hi
Yunis: It's my birthday today
Me: Happy Birthday
Yunis: Yeah, but I poked my eye out 4 days ago
Me: Ouch, yeah, it looks like that happened
Yunis: Yeah, it was really bad. I almost died
Me: I'm sorry. Well I am happy you are alive now
Yunis: It was so scary. I mean, look at my eye.
Me: I did
Yunis: I have these glasses now. I guess I had them before but now I only see out of one side. I almost died! Then I wouldn't have been able to celebrate my birthday

And then she kept going. I went into the back room to re-stock and came out 3 minutes later and she was still going. I guess it was devastating. To me too Yunis. Maybe you should consider getting a glass eye so that your eye flap doesn't just hang over. I know someone who can help you out.

Hand Sanitizer

With the flu going around, everybody is in constant fear of getting sick. I like to think that I am immune to these kinds of sicknesses. Maybe that's because I also already had the swine flu and lived through it.

In honor of the flu we decided to put hand sanitizer on the counter so people can keep germ free hands. Sometimes I don't really like the smell of it, but other times, I appreciate the strong smell because it beats the smell of B.O.

Today Big Cop wrote $0.25 per pump on the container. And then everybody thought I was actually charging for the sanitizer. I thought it was funny. Big Cop thought it was even funnier. Some people didn't get the joke so I was forced to wipe it off. Reminded me of the time I wrote "Liquids = Death" on the trash can.

Gay Jokes

Everybody loves a good joke. I especially love jokes. I used to memorize a joke a day to be cool. I think I used to do this because I was shy and didn't know how to make friends and this for some reason, made me more popular. Then when I stopped being shy, I switched to pick up lines and forgot all my jokes.

Antonio the janitor still likes to tell jokes. This, however, doesn't make him cooler. If the jokes were good, then I might like him more, but they aren't. His joke repertoire began with mostly sexual jokes but now he has switched to telling only gay jokes. These I find even less amusing mostly because they are offensive and also because they all have the same punchline-"and he was gay!" You'd think he would stop telling me them since he's always the only one laughing, but that doesn't seem to stop him. Then he showed me a picture of him in his younger and hotter. This picture consisted of him in tight white pants and a tight white shirt plus pointy black shoes. Antonio, are you sure you aren't gay?

Syrians

A cute couple walks into the caffe. They ask for a cup of coffee. I say "we're out!" Funny joke huh? Not really. I just made it up.

But seriously there is a very cute couple. They sit for at least an hour and have coffee and talk. The man is from Libya, the girl is from here. He has an accent so naturally I asked him where he was from. And then I shared my roots with him. He found out that I was middle Eastern. I thought this was great except for the fact that I can't speak any Arabic. That seemed ok for him too because he said, well, Syrian women are the best. They take very good care of their men.

I think that this is only true in Syria. But I made sure to tell him that I would inform my Dad of this well known fact so he knows how good he has it.

Thank you Libya + girlfriend.

Burgers!

One thing I love is a good burger. I also like not so good burgers, but that depends on how hungry I am. There is a place, it is called Red Mill Burgers and it's delicious. It is better than In N' Out in my opinion, which is a very big opinion.

I was selling coffee today, as usual, but also hot dogs. Then a lady walked up. We started talking. Then she told me she was the girlfriend of the guy who owns and started Red Mill Burger. Because of how quick she was to proclaim that, I am guessing that a lot of people know her status. She's sort of like a celebrity, if being associated with burgers is similar to being associated with tv or magazines. I'm not one to knock someone down (unless they are creepy), so I acted very impressed. I didn't really need to act that well because I was impressed. How do I get a boyfriend who owns a restaurant? Is the guy who owns In N' Out currently available? Since there is no tactful way to ask her how she managed to land that guy as her boyfriend, I listened to her talk about burgers with enthusiasm, waiting for her to give me a coupon or something for a free burger. That never came. I thought she might even invite me to have a burger with her sometime or give me the VIP number to call and pre-order. Apparently we weren't thinking along the same lines.

And then after all that talking, she ordered him a hot dog. Hey, wait a minute lady, I thought he only ate hamburgers?

The Return and Departure of GoldTeeth

I started to think that Goldteeth finally realized I wasn't, nor ever would be interested in him. But then I'd also have to ask myself, "could I really be that lucky?"
Today was Goldteeth's most amazing visit. he walked in with luggage (I obviously took that as a positive sign). He seemed sad because he is now officially leaving the country for 6 months. I, on the other hand, couldn't hold in my excitement.





GT: Hey Baby! You know I have to leave for awhile?
Me: (I thought the day would never come). Well, have a safe trip
GT: Yeah Baby, you know, I'm going to have to do a lot of things out there. I don't wanna leave but I got to, you know, so people like you can stay here.
Me: Yeah...
GT: So where I'm going, you know, it's going to be summer and then I get back and it will be summer here!
Me: Fascinating
GT: You still have my number right baby? You know you never called me.
Me: I know
GT: Okay baby, check to see if you still have my number
Me: Do you want room for cream in your coffee?
GT: You know, on the boat we're going to have to go on a treader a lot so I can't be having cream
Me: A treader?
GT: Yeah
Me: What's a treader?
GT: You know, a machine to get you into shape
Me: A treader?
GT: Treader, Threader, something like that
Me: Treadmill?
GT: Yeah! You know baby I've never been on one before
Me: I wouldn't doubt it
GT: I'm going to miss you but you know I'm going to think about you a lot
Me: Please don't
GT: Yeah baby, I will. You'll be here when I get back right?
Me: I hope not
GT: Yeah, well you have to be here. It's your job.
Me: But I might have another one by then
GT: Yeah baby, I can see that. You would make a great teacher or lawyer.
Me: I don't want to be a lawyer
GT: Yeah baby, either a teacher or a lawyer
Me: Not a lawyer
GT: That's how I see you, you know. Teacher or Lawyer. You'd be great.


And then he was ready to go. I was ready for him to go. I waved excitedly until he surprise attacked...with a hug. He just went in for the kill. I was paralyzed. And then he kissed me on the cheek. I was still paralyzed. Then he winked at me and went to collect his luggage again. I finally came to and ran to the sink to wash off any leftover remnants of Goldteeth. And while I scrubbed I thought "how did that just happen?"

Oh Goldteeth, always full of surprises!